Love Letter to Myself

There is a bridge. I will meet you there.

There is a place that equally supports the two lands from where we both come.

The bridge may be long. It may cross many rapids or a great void covered in frozen grass where the sun hasn’t shone for days, for months.

The bridge might be made of metal rebar or softened wood, and in some sections hardly standing. We might have to crawl across some parts to avoid holes and high winds. We might have to go against our instincts. We might have to just start moving.

We will have to trust that through the fog that rolls in, and the moon that sets,  we will blindly reach the middle. We must trust that the other is moving equally towards this middle and we will recognize each other when we arrive.

There is a bridge

I will meet you here.

I believe we are in a continual state of meeting ourselves. Always coming into a new relationship with an unseen part of ourselves. Walking always towards ourselves, even if the path is a tiny trail on the outskirts of a heart-land we don’t know. Even when we feel like we’re walking away from one shoreline we must remember the waters always meet, even if they are miles and rivers and oceans away, even if it’s in the clouds.

Originally this poem was written for a dear friend of mine. It became clear upon a third or fourth read that this is also from me to me. From us to us. Ram Das has said, “We are all just walking each other home”. This quote lives in my heart. I too believe, we are all walking each other home but by virtue of meeting ourselves. Sometimes it’s from the inside out, sometimes its the outside in that brings us to that place of meeting, of soul-to-self cohesion. Sometimes it’s someone else that shows us, us. Sometimes it’s a deeper knowing in us that shows us them. Two sides, same coin, transparent and porous metal.

It’s Not Too Many Choices, It’s You

IMG_0647“We have too many choices”. This is a truism believed by many, that the myriad of choices we have from salad dressings to potential dates from apps like “Tinder” is somehow beyond our capacity to manage. We are bombarded by choice, often to the point of feeling completely paralyzed by the necessity to choose. 

I was on board with this idea- let’s limit our choices, simplify, be consistent, have a shopping list and execute.

Then, it occurred to me, why is this conundrum of choice any different than any other “outside circumstance”?

I don’t think it’s the ever-growing expanse of options that induces anxiety or ultimately, paralyzation of choice. These choices, rather, speak to something of greater depth. The fact that we now have more choices than ever before from how we customize our smoothies to creating our own persona on social media, is both natural and completely relevant. 

As our species expands in consciousness, and in physical form, we are ultimately generating more varied versions of ourselves. This is inevitable. The universe is expanding, our inner universe is expanding, and so within, so without. We will invariably have even more options as consciousness expands and ripples out in the physical realm. This is beautiful, this is the physical representation of our inner expansion that will continue infinitely.

Lets stop fighting these things we don’t want. Lets stop designing studies to prove how “with the non-existence of the current situation, we would be better off”. The current situation is here to embrace, to let-in, and most importantly to be creative in our thoughts and find how it fits best within us, on an individual level- an internal Tetris of sorts.

The number of options we have matters about as much as the amount of germs that exist on the handle bar of a shopping cart. We have come to understand, through science, that it is not what is “out there”, rather its about the environment on the inside. Are you susceptible to disease? Or is your inner terrain healthy and can withstand the onslaught of “germs” we encounter on a daily basis? Just like, “Are you aligned internally?” or is the amount of choices available going to overwhelm and possibly paralyze you?

When we are grounded or aligned in who we are, we can trust that everything else will flow with ease, that the “right” choice will be blazingly apparent. How do we know when we are grounded/aligned? It’s more that we know when we’re not. This ungrounding is apparent when we feel burdened by choice, by the spectrum of options in life.

Contrast is necessary. It is gives life to our current experience. When we feel tired, stressed, anxious, sad, or any other of the less desirable emotions ( I like to call them “signaling emotions”)- it is our guidance system showing us that we’re off. Some things make it easier than others to direct our energy “on” them to try to change. Choice is one of those, kids are another, relationships in general. It’s so easy when it seems like it’s “out there”.

Still, these signaling emotions are the inner call of us to come back to us. And when we do, we know it. Things just click. Life like those little cubic shapes of Tetris, just line up. The right shape coming at just the right time.  These “coincidences” are our signals that we are in alignment. It’s in times like these that we hardly even think of choice. It feels as though life itself chooses us. This is how little the spectrum of options matters in the way of our mental attempt to diagnose the best strategy. This is why- begin with you. Start at the beginning, each time. Don’t make a decision, make yourself. Make yourself the clearest, most grounded, most aligned version of yourself and let life do the rest.